Monday, January 29, 2007

It Ain't Over til It's Over!

Before I forget, I should add that I have seen Rocky Balboa and I take back just about every bad thing I've said about it. No, it's not brilliant, but I can't deny having an intense desire to cheer at the end. I may have also teared up a few times. Bravo Stallone, bravo. Now don't ever do another Rocky film again. Ya did good Sly, now hang up the gloves.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

One Dead Gungan


Just to piggyback on my last post, here's something that I'm sure a lot of Star Wars fans have been waiting for, courtesy of News.com. Yes, Jar Jar Binks encased in a block of carbonite. Is he dead? We can dream, can't we? More photos from ILM studios can be found by clicking the link.

Wait a minute....ILM? Those are the guys that animated every excrutiating frame of that annoying orange bastard! I guess even they knew that we wanted to see Jar Jar Binks frozen and lifeless. Talk about catering to the diehards!

Star Wars: The Series?

Once in a while, I scour the internet for news on some of the work-in-progress film and movie projects that won't see the light of day for a few years. Most recently, I've had my eye on news for the Star Wars television series, even though it's few and far between since the series won't air until 2009.

According to GeekMonthly.com, the untitled Star Wars television series will be "more adult" and will be "something most people have never seen on television before." And this is coming from an official statement by George Lucas himself in an interview at the Rose Parade, where he celebrated the 30th anniversary of the saga as the grand marshal.

The series is said to take place between episodes 3 and 4 of the saga, featuring minor characters taking lead roles. Rumors are also flying about that an older Daniel Logan, who portrayed Boba Fett in Attack of the Clones, will return as the cult-favorite bounty hunter.

This is exciting news and just may be the shot in the arm that the saga needs after the prequel trilogy left a bad taste in a lot of people's mouths. As for me, I know I'll be tuning in. I did see The Phantom Menace a whopping 9 times in the cinema despite a total inability to watch the film again to this day.

While the franchise continues to rake in the cash on multiple fronts, is television the proper venue? Most attempts at bringing the franchise to the small screen have met disastrous results. The Ewok movies and cartoons, the Droids series and the holiday special were total crash and burn affairs in the long run. The one bright spot in Star Wars' television history? 2003's Clone Wars series of animated shorts. Some consider these to be better than most of the prequel films, which is probably why a 3D continuation of the series is slated for next year.

In other Lucasian news, Indy 4 is actually moving forward with Harrison Ford and a possible Sean Connery returning. It is slated for a May 2008 release, but don't be surprised if this one gets pushed back.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I'd love to give this a title but there ISN'T ENOUGH TIME!

Your dream's fulfilled, you're rockin' with the best. Unforgivable I'ma put your browser to the test! It's J Witty here, burning up the blogosphere with a nuclear barrage of narcissism.

Speaking of nuclear, 24 has just been phenomenal this season, and we're only five hours in. . For those unhip to what I'm talking about (and shame on you for missing out), Jack Bauer is tied to a chair by a group of terrorists and begins his escape by BITING A DUDE'S THROAT OUT. And this was just in the first hour of the season. There's also the business with his brother (who did some bad stuff last season, but then again I mistrust anyone that wears a Bluetooth perpetually) and how Jack's father may have helped support the terrorists who have already blown up a chunk of California.

What I don't like about 24 this year is the timeslot. It's in direct competition with my other favorite show Heroes, and I honestly feel like a change in scheduling is in order over at NBC. I know that DVR has revolutionized the way tv is watched by allowing people to disregard programming schedules, but Nielsen ratings are tracked when the shows are actually aired. I fear that with the overlapping viewerships of both shows, the "new kid on the block" is going to get shafted.

I don't want to shock anyone here, but studio suits are typically clueless, particularly when it comes to programs that generate followings. They'll have a look at dwindling Monday night numbers and put an all-too-early kibash on one of the best shows on right now. Just me being paranoid I guess.

Ah well, back to another session of Gears of War. For those still curious, my tag name is indeed N00b St0mper, and I play pretty frequently. You might catch me playing Call of Duty 3, but it seems like a lot of the Halo fanboys have made that game their online home so I've been forced to get used to the trash-talking of prepubescent piss-ants. Such is life...errrr..Live.

Monday, January 8, 2007

They Call Me N00b St0mper


While many in the gaming industry were watching the console war between Sony and Nintendo escalate to muggings and even shootings as fans waited online for the coveted systems this holiday season, Microsoft fans have truly come out on top. The system ended up in the sweaty hands of many a gamer this month largely thanks to the release of one monumental game: Gears of War.

Sure, it's no Halo 3, but in many ways this is a good thing. The game is gritty and immersive, forcing players to survey their surroundings for cover while battling the Locust (underground monsters waging war on humanity, but that's not important right now). The graphics are fantastic, particularly if you are in possession of a high-definition TV. Like many gamers, I spent a good portion of my Christmas making full use of the chainsaw bayonet as I cut monsters in half with gory results, much to the dismay of any family members who happened to glance at the television. I completed the campaign (on the "casual" difficulty setting, I'm not trying to be a badass here), and I plan on playing through it again to unlock additional achievements.

Wait a minute, what are achievements? I'm glad you asked, and if you didn't I'm going to explain them anyway. They're basically statistics to let other players know just how awesome you really are. It also gives them the right to call you a "n00b" and back it up with cold, hard fact. Yes, I said n00b. All because I'm white and nerdy.

I also started up my Xbox Live account, which is surprising. I can't believe I got by as a gamer without the ability to talk trash with an 11 year old across the country. I'm the n00b st0mper. I st0mp n00bs. You wish that was your gamertag.

Speaking of trash-talking kids, how come they all sound about 8-years-old on Live? Getting frag-tagged in Gears is humiliating enough. It's even worse when your assailant was born at the tail-end of the Clinton administration.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

BACK IN BUSINESS!

The Wort Report is back following some confusion (some of which may have been my own) over the switch over from beta. Now that that's behind us, Happy New Year, Wortmaniacs! It was a great one for yours truly. As evidenced by the pictures that are slowly making their way online (way too quickly in some cases, actually), I had an even better time than I thought I did. I never knew I was such a magnificent bastard on the dance floor.

I've got a lot of great articles lined up in the next few days, including my first next-gen video game reviews EVER (OMG, Xbox 360 for the win!), and some other surprises including a diatribe about how I feel bad for snow globes in the summer. Well, maybe not that last one, but keep your fingers crossed. I must address the unsung sorrows of miniature imprisoned snowmen in July.