Sunday, October 14, 2007

How Does One "Superman" a Ho?

If you've heard a ringtone or turned on a radio in the past few weeks, chances are you've heard Soulja Boy's "Crank Dat," an ode to cranking Robocop and Supermanning young women. While I'm sure his reference to cranking Robocop has something to do with cyborg Detroit policemen, I could not for the life of me understand what it meant to "Superman" a "ho". Does it mean to blow up her home planet? Make her jump tall buildings in a single bound? Throw a big cellophane Superman logo at her face as seen in the second Christopher Reeve film?

What has young people across the country so entranced, forcing them to post videos of themselves on YouTube flailing about awkwardly in an attempt to dance the "Soulja Boy" or whatever you want to call it?

To fully understand this modern-day macarena, I headed over to, which clearly explained:

When you are mad at your girl for not having sex with you. So when she falls asleep you masturbate and cum on her back. After that, stick the bedsheet on to her back and when she wakes up it's stuck to the cum and she has a cape like Superman!!!

Well, there you have it. The song that thousands of teenage girls across the country are learning the dance moves to is a song about masturbating on a girl's back. I could go over what it means to "Spider-Man a ho," but that would be way too many superhero-associated one-handed sex acts for one night.

Soulja Boy also uses the word "ho" in the song 30 times. Isn't that kinda not cool these days?

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